


Benny's Dilemma

by CupOfEarleGrey



Series: Benny and Ruth [1]
Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Black Widow Courier, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, F/M, Intimacy, Mild Sexual Content, Near Death Experiences, Past Violence, Toxic Relationship, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupOfEarleGrey/pseuds/CupOfEarleGrey
Summary: Benny's tired, and she's touching him so sweet. He loves her. He should be able to trust her. But he can't. No matter how much he wants to.  It's hard to love someone you shot, and even harder to love someone who shot you. Should he tell her the truth? Or is he still a fink?
Relationships: Benny (Fallout)/Female Courier, Benny/Courier
Series: Benny and Ruth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140497
Kudos: 17





	Benny's Dilemma

Benny dropped onto the couch with a rough sigh. His eyes fell shut as he rested his head against the back. It was the first bit of rest he'd had for hours. All this work, and for what?

So some high-end fink can take 50%?

He's done with this shit. Has been for a long time. And yet… he's still here. Even though he has everything he needs to take over. Right here in his pocket.

He reaches up to palm the platinum chip through his jacket. It never leaves his person. Not even while he sleeps. Wherever he goes its right over his heart. A medallion to get him through the day, to remind him he's come this far and can go further. He can make it.

So why is he still working? Why hasn't he gone off to continue his plan? He's in the final stretch. Freedom is so close he can almost taste it. He should go now. Right now. Go off and find out what the chip does and use it for his own end.

"What are you thinking about, baby?" a woman's voice cuts him off.

He opens his eyes to see Ruth there. She looks tired as well with dark circles around her eyes. Such beautiful eyes. He thought back to when he first saw them. Wide and terrified, staring him down as he aimed the barrel of his gun at her head, and a little defiant. Even in death.

Now she looked at him soft and gentle. Like a real lover should. She threads her fingers through his hair as she stands behind the couch, smiling down at him. He sighs into it, and drops his hand from his chest.

"How much I miss you, baby." he says smoothly, a tender smile on his lips.

"Aren't you sweet." Ruth laughs a little and bends forward. Her hands slide down his warm chest before crossing over each other, embracing him from behind. She gives him a sweet peck on his lips. "Looked more serious than that though. You can talk to me, benny-baby. You know that."

He gazed up at her, his expression turning serious. This woman was a marvel. He shot her in the head. Twice. And buried her for dead. Then she walks right back into his life half a year later looking like a dream. She didn't even question him. Just walked right on over to charm him.

And he fell for her. He shouldn't trust her. He definitely shouldn't love her. She sure as shit shouldn't love him. But she does. She says she does. And so does he. Like some love-drunk fool who can't remember his own name. It's no longer only Benny. It's Benny and Ruth. Like Vikki and Vance. Only worse.

She doesn't love him right and he knows it. She's either hot for him or cold. Ice cold. He can never tell if she's going to kiss him or kill him. Every time she gets close he draws in his breath like it's his last. And he's compelled by it. Drawn into her like a fiend to a box of chems. Even when he knows he should be running. Chasing down his own dreams.

She's the one keeping him here. How can he leave when he loves her so much? What if his plan backfires and he ends up dead or worse? Or God forbid she tries to follow him and she gets hurt. He can't let her get caught in the crossfire again. She never asked for it. Never cared for it.

He dragged her in. She's in on it now whether she liked it or not. When he took the chip from her he made it her business. That's why Mr House lets her into the Lucky 38. He must have asked her to bring him the chip. Probably offered her all the caps in New Vegas. So why was she here with him?

Is it some long game plan? Wait for him to open up and stab him in the back last minute? Or is it real? Does she really love him? Would she help him if he told her? Or would she betray him?

He searches her eyes for answers. For any lies or deceit. But all he can see is his hopeless reflection staring back at him.

"I told you, baby. I'm thinking about how much I love you. Come sit with me, will you? I need you to hold me a while." he pulls away from her grasp to pat the seat beside him. He can't bear to look her in the eye as he lies.

Ruth comes around the couch to slide onto it beside him. Her sleek black dress riding up her thighs as she does. He reaches out to rest his hand on the closest, her skin cool to the touch. He still doesn't look at her. She can't take her eyes off him.

"Benny…" she begins, her voice catching slightly as she shuffles closer, "You can tell me what's really going on. I'm your girl, remember? Like Vikki and Vance."

He doesn't answer her. He presses close to her, burying his face against her neck, pulling her closer. He can't bear the distance. Hot kisses against her cool skin get her sighing appreciatively. The sound urges him on.

Pretty soon she's breathing hard, and he's pushing her down, slipping on top of her, never breaking their contact. Every time she tries to talk he cuts her off by touching her in the right place, leaving her speechless. He knows her so well. Every part to make her his. He doesn't want to talk. He wants to feel her. To love her. He can't bear the distance between them.

Suddenly, she stops him. Pushes him away and makes him look at her. Her face flushed, hair mussed and eyes bright with emotion. His heart clenches.

"Please, Benny. I know you're shutting me out. Don't do this."

He feels it burn in his throat. Desperate to come out. A rush of feeling he can't bear. He lets out a sharp breath and collapses against her, wrapping her up in his arms. She lays still under him, waiting.

"I love you so much, baby. It really tears me apart sometimes." he mutters into her ear, "About how I shot you and all that. It fucks with me. I don't know if I can trust you sometimes. How can you love me, baby? In your shoes I couldn't do it. You should hate me and want me dead."

She listened quietly, her breath unsteady. When he was finished she hesitated before slowly wrapping her arms around him. A tight embrace.

"That's what you're worrying about?" her voice is soft and low, "baby, I told you I forgive you. I'm not dead, I'm fine. I'm right here. And I love you. Maybe I shouldn't but I do. I don't know what else to tell you but… seeing you dead, Benny? I never want that."

"You really mean it?" He asks, propping himself up so he can look at her.

She smiles warmly at him, placing her hand on his cheek, "Every word."

He shouldn't believe her… but he does. What a fool.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


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